Woke up a bit earlier than usual this morning before sunrise around 5:30am. The first thing I try to do in the morning is self massage, working the muscles by tensing up the body and waking up the life force by working with gentle, intuitive movement and conscious breath. I use physical pain, and areas of the body that feel week, as a compass to guide me to alchemizing pain and weakness into power and strength. This mostly works by tensing up the muscles and using the power of the mind’s conscious awareness on the areas of the body that feel weak and painful. Hands are strenghtened by clenching up the fists and holding all kinds of different mudras.
Maestra Estela came into my tambo today to check on me, I was wailing tears of joy as I was alchemizing deep suffering into joy, while I was singing a new wolf howl-song that came to me during my meditation with piñon blanco and renaco dieta. She looked concerned and worried, I calmed her down by reassuring her that I am experiencing deep joy, as my wounds of suffering are being transformed into the joy of love. I told her not to worry about my crying in the future, because I am always experiencing joy when I am crying, and I also emphasized that I am doing this most gently and skillfully with the mastery of love and that Ayahuasca, cacao, piñon blanco and renaco are all teaching me how to navigate my emotional realm most skillfully.
I went for a swim in a small river we have here nearby, the water in this river is red. It is always a great, refreshing experience, after processing deep emotions, and especially good after the ceremony when my body gets very hot.
Renaco which is a tree master plant that I am dieting is helping me gain physical body strength, I am feeling this medicine very powerfully in my body. I felt like I had a lot of energy today, so I also organized and cleaned my tambo some more and it feels like I am finally settling here after all those initiations. They have also started clearing the space for my house to be built.
I was contemplating how awesome my position here actually is yesterday. I have a full year to drink Ayahuasca 3 times a week, diet master plants, have cacao ceremonies, a personal house with kitchen, shower and toilet is being built for me. Food is cooked for me and my clothes is washed for me. This center is well known so other pasajeros will be coming here, which gives me an opportunity to form strategic relationships.
I am grateful to my beloved Maestra Divine Mother Wolf, who is guiding and teaching me on how to love myself. I have experienced much hurt because of the way people treated me in the USA, but they have all helped to guide me here, back to AyaMadre, a place where I truly belong, during this most sacred and special time of my awakening. “Knight, magician, lover and king, in every moment I only win.” When I first came here I told Maestra I came back here because “there isn’t much life in the USA”. I am crying tears of joy and gratitude everyday as I embody more love, life and power everyday.
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